From Elite Athlete to First-Time Mom: Finding Strength in the Chaos

For most of my life, being an athlete has been a huge part of who I am.

Me running for the University of Saint Mary's (KS)

I’ve always been athletic, and running has always been something that came naturally to me. Even through injuries, setbacks, hard training blocks, and bad races, I could usually find a way to push through. I knew how to work hard. I knew how to be uncomfortable. And I knew how to keep going when my body was tired.

So naturally, when I found out I was pregnant, I thought I was going to be an absolute DAWG.

Seriously.

I pictured myself running through pregnancy, crushing workouts, staying strong, and proving that becoming a mom wasn’t going to slow me down.

Well...

Pregnancy humbled me. 😂

Pregnancy Was a Different Kind of Hard

As an athlete, I was used to pushing my body. But pregnancy introduced me to a type of challenge I couldn't just outwork.

There were physical changes I couldn't control, days when my body simply wasn't capable of doing what my mind wanted it to do, and mental battles that I wasn't prepared for. It also didn't help that, at the start of my pregnancy, I caught strep throat which was then followed by 3 weeks of "mourning" sickness...

Yes. I put "mourning" as if mourning the loss of my pre-baby body, HAHA!

For someone who was so used to measuring progress through mileage, pace, workouts, races, and performance, it was hard watching my body change and my abilities change with it.

But I kept reminding myself that my body wasn't failing me.

It was doing something completely new.

It was growing my daughter.

And then I actually became a mom.

That was when the real challenge began.

Postpartum Humbled Me Even More

I think part of me assumed that once I had my daughter, I would slowly start feeling like myself again.

Instead, I felt further away from the athlete I knew than ever before.

I couldn't even REALLY begin running again until around two months postpartum because I was dealing with SI joint issues and significant pelvic floor weakness.

Running had always been my thing. It was where I went when I was stressed, excited, overwhelmed, happy, sad — everything.

Suddenly, I couldn't just lace up my shoes and go.

I had to rebuild.

And I mean really rebuild.

I had to learn to respect my body instead of constantly asking more from it. I had to strengthen muscles I had never really thought twice about before. I had to accept that some days, the win wasn't running a fast mile.

Sometimes the win was simply being able to move without pain.

That was incredibly difficult mentally.

But looking back, I think that period taught me more about being an athlete than some of my hardest training ever did.

I'm Not My Fastest — But I Might Be My Strongest

Today, I'm still working my way back.

Am I as fast as I was at my peak?

No.

But I don't feel very far from it.

And somehow, I feel stronger than I ever have before.

Not just physically.

Motherhood has changed the way I define strength.

Strength isn't always pushing harder.

Sometimes strength is backing off.

Sometimes it's starting over.

Sometimes it's doing pelvic floor exercises when you'd rather be running.

Sometimes it's squeezing in a workout while your baby naps OR popping her in the stroller and having her "stroll" along -- see what i did there.

Sometimes it's accepting that the plan you made for the day isn't going to happen because your daughter needs you.

And sometimes it's realizing that the version of yourself you're trying so desperately to "get back to" doesn't exist anymore — because you're becoming someone new.

Finding Beauty in the Chaos

If there is one thing motherhood has taught me, it's that there really is no such thing as having everything figured out.

“Motherhood definitely has its challenges, but in the end, it is all worth it. One moment, you think you have it all figured out and then the next minute - BOOM! something happens and you are right back to square one. But that is the same reason why motherhood is so beautiful. You get to find the beauty within all of the chaos.”

And honestly, the same thing applies to fitness.

There are going to be setbacks.

There are going to be seasons where you feel unstoppable and seasons where getting through the day feels like an accomplishment.

Progress isn't always going to look the way you imagined it would.

I've learned that finding your flow doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It's learning how to keep moving through the imperfect.

Motherhood Didn't Take Away the Athlete in Me

For a while, I think I was afraid of losing the athlete I had worked so hard to become.

Now I realize I didn't lose her.

She just changed.

I'm still competitive. I'm still driven. I still want to run fast. I still have goals that scare me a little bit.

But now there's a little girl watching me chase them.

And that has given running, training, and taking care of myself an entirely different meaning.

I want my daughter to grow up seeing that being strong isn't about being perfect.

It's about taking care of yourself.

It's about getting back up.

It's about adapting when life doesn't go according to plan.

It's about showing up for yourself even when showing up looks completely different than it used to.

I'm not trying to become the athlete I was before motherhood.

I'm discovering the athlete — and woman — I can become because of it.

And maybe that's what finding your flow is really all about. 🌊

— Alyssa

Flow With Alyssa | Find Your Flow